I didn’t write what follows, but I agree with it and felt it should be published for all to learn from.

Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, “I’m Stupid”. That way you wouldn’t rely on them, would you? You wouldn’t ask them anything.

It would be like, “Excuse me…oops, never mind. I didn’t see your sign.”

It’s like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says “Hey, you moving?”

“Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here’s your sign.”

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big ‘ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, “Hey, y’all catch all them fish?” “Nope Talked ‘em into giving up. Here’s your sign.”

I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there’s only one way to test it.

“Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good… They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you.”

“Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don’t wanna lose it.”

Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, “Tire go flat?” I couldn’t resist. I said, “Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here’s your sign.”

We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, “Darn that’s hot!” See? If he’d been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.

I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn’t ya know I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn’t get it out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning..ok..no problem. I thought sure he was clear of needing a sign…until he asked “So..is your truck stuck?” I couldn’t help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said “no I’m delivering’ a bridge…here’s your sign.

There is an airline meal in front of me; I’m one -third of the way through Jeremy Clarkeson’s The World According To Clarkeson and half-way through the flight.

Now, unless the meal is removed soonish Clarkeson may not be finished for another day.

Which is why I’m writing this blog entry (and a few others) using Pocket Word. I realise that the post title may have misled you…sadly this Boeing 757-200 doesn’t have in-flight Internet access.

I am in fact sharing the 757 with a bunch of neds…streams of them have just gone past me for some sort of party at the front of the cabin, or may be it’s for the WC?

But why did they choose to go to the WC during the meal? Ten of them, I counted them one by one and didn’t fall asleep, all huddled around the solitary WC at the front of the cabin. Behind them, moderate carnage as people juggle their own airline meals, just to let each of these guys out of their seat.

Coffee should be opaque.

I don’t expect my black coffee to be poured into a white cup only to be greeted with confirmation that the bottom of the cup is still white…with the cup still half full.

But that’s exactly what I received during my return flight from Tenerife: a cup of see-through coffee.

This is just one reason why we, Great Britain as we think we should be called, are the laughing stock of proper Europe. This country just doesn’t live up to its name anymore.

I have just returned from another jolly to mainland Europe .

Folks who know me will appreciate that I like McDonalds Mcflurry – an ice-cream dessert (priced at 99P)

Can anybody please explain how a shot of finest (black, not opaque) espresso topped with a good sized ” dob” of ice-cream costs just 1€? In Europe.

This delicacy is known as an helado e café. One Euro, 70p roughly – how does a McFlurry cost more? Does a shot of espresso in Europe cost 29p? No, we’re being ripped off here in Britain: overcharge for everything, forget “please” and “thank you” and dispense with customer service.

My local golden arches can’t even do me an espresso, never mind a coffee with a dob on top…when challenged to come up with a price, they reached nearly £3.00

I would use the phrase “wake up and smell the coffee”, but the UK’s McCoffee is probably pants too.

The general public (and by virtue that you are reading this blog excludes you) are by definition generally dense.

Take for example a recent incident that involved my wife requesting a simple “garlic bread with cheese” dish in The Plaza in Golf del Sur, Tenerife. Now, the menu contained garlic bread, garlic bread with tomatoes and cheeseburgers. My wife’s request for some garlic bread with cheese should not have been beyond the wit of the English woman taking the order…or so we thought.

“Have you had it here before?”, she squealed.

“No, but you have cheese and you have garlic bread and you can do garlic bread with tomatoes…therefore…”, we responded.

“I’ll have to check with the chef, to see if he can do it” replied the English woman.

This was “the sign”. He’s a chef for crying out loud, he can do anything. Well, anything, it seems, except call garlic bread with tomatoes on top bruchetta, but that’s another issue.

A few years ago a good friend introduced me to a phrase that can be used to identify these moments of daftness, cluelessness, call it what you will. SOS – this is the Sign Of Stupidity. You’re best using the shortend version: “the sign”, this way you can use the phrase “that’s the sign” in the company of fellow SOSers without alerting the general public who just are so good at exhibiting the sign.

Here is the original text.